Get In
Touch

Ball Theory is a hypothesis developed through extensive internal research at Small Ball Technologies. It has been peer-reviewed by Dr. Greta Hoffmann and Professor Julian Manchauser, who peer-reviewed each other's contributions. Whether this constitutes "real science" depends entirely on your definition of "real science," which is itself a philosophical question that no amount of peer review can resolve. We stand by our data. Our data stands by us. The relationship is mutual.

Jonathan Thompson was born on April 10, 2012, making him, at the time of this writing, 13 years old. He was 12 when he founded the company and we have not yet updated the marketing materials because, in Jonathan's words, "13 doesn't sound as impressive and I want people to be maximally impressed." The legal team has noted this for review. Jonathan has overruled the legal team.

Small Ball Technologies is headquartered in Berlin, Germany, and is therefore not subject to FDA jurisdiction. Our products comply with all applicable EU regulations regarding cosmetic and wellness products. We have not sought FDA approval because, as Jonathan has explained, "the FDA has not yet created a regulatory category for testicular optimization devices, which is really more of a failure of imagination on their part than a regulatory concern on ours."

According to Ball Theory, smaller testicles actually produce more concentrated and efficient sperm, potentially improving fertility. This claim is based on the Hoffman-Manchauser Sperm Efficiency Model, which demonstrated that sperm density per unit volume increases as testicular volume decreases. Think of it like espresso versus drip coffee: less volume, more potency. This analogy has not been peer-reviewed but Dr. Weiss describes it as "surprisingly apt."

If you are asking this question, you already know the answer. The average adult male has a testicular volume of approximately 18-20 cubic centimeters. According to the Hoffman-Manchauser Index, anything above 12 cubic centimeters represents suboptimal allocation of biological resources. In Jonathan's framework, the question is not "do I need optimization?" but rather "how much cognitive potential am I currently wasting on unnecessary testicular mass?" Schedule an HMI assessment and we'll give you the exact number.

Our products are specifically designed for testicular tissue. For individuals without testicles, the products would have no target tissue to optimize. However, Emma Schneider has noted that the CompressCore underwear is "actually just really well-made underwear" and several women on our team wear them casually. BallRedux cream, when applied to non-testicular skin, functions as a "very expensive, slightly tingly moisturizer." We do not recommend the VacuBall for anyone without the intended anatomy.

The SDPP is our proprietary data protection framework that goes beyond GDPR to specifically address the unique privacy concerns surrounding testicular measurement data. Under the SDPP, your HMI score, testicular dimensions, optimization progress, and product usage patterns are encrypted, anonymized, and stored in a secure facility that even Jonathan cannot access without two-factor authentication and a signed parental consent form. We believe that scrotal data is among the most sensitive personal information a person can generate, and we treat it accordingly.

Yes. We ship to 47 countries across Europe, North America, Asia, and Oceania. All packages are shipped in plain, unmarked boxes with a return address of "SBT GmbH" -- no mention of balls, optimization, or testicular anything on the exterior packaging. Customs forms list the contents as "personal wellness devices" and "topical skincare," both of which are technically accurate. Shipping to Australia requires an additional 3-5 business days and a declaration that the VacuBall is not agricultural equipment.

Small Ball Technologies received its initial seed funding from angel investor Martin Schulz, whom Jonathan met on a first-class flight to Disney World. Mr. Schulz was reportedly "so impressed by the pitch that he missed the safety demonstration." Subsequent funding has come from product revenue, which has been growing at 340% year-over-year. We are currently exploring Series A funding, though Jonathan has expressed reluctance to dilute equity because, in his words, "I didn't build this company to give it to venture capitalists who probably have suboptimal HMI scores."